I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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