he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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