ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
