I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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