YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
