I think im going to throw up on grandma
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
