I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
