i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
