I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
