I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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