So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize