just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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