I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
