Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
