There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
