dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
