we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
