I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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