if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
