i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
