dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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