You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
