i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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