Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
