I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
