I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
