Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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