I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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