So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
