i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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