eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
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