The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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