He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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