i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
