i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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