Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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