Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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