they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
