I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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