Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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