He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
