I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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