I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
