so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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