So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
