He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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