Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize