drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
