I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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