The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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