Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
