So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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