More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize