He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
