Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
