I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
