She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
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