Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
