Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize