the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
time to smoke my breakfast
i think i scared a bird with my dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
