ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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