I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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