So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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