and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
