I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
