Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
