Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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