I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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