yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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