i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize