spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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