I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
