The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize