I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
