you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
