hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
