Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
