When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
